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I Wonder Sometimes

Arla

… If we try to live too many lives in one lifetime. I keep a journal and I use my phone camera almost everyday, documenting what we’re doing and seeing. I have thousands of pictures with years of memories that I can go back to relive or to review anytime I wish. And a dresser drawer full of journals. I wonder, will all those documents ever be of any use to anyone? They could be of interest, maybe, to our children or grandchildren, as memories or history lessons. And that idea challenges me in the documenting of our lives, to live well and to write accurately.

So, I wonder… Actually, I realize that however accurately I record our lives, I still have only my own perspective. ‘It seemed to me’, is the overarching theme of any personal journal. Not that I can’t be trusted to tell it straight; but that corroboration with/by others’ reports is so much better. Witness, the four gospels of Jesus Christ written by four different people.

I wonder why I second guess decisions I make. Like having said no to chorus this winter. I did it because it seemed to me my days are full, well my heart is anyway, already, with life. Besides, they don’t need singers. I stopped by as they were gathering at the church this evening, on a different errand, and saw they must be fifty in number as it is. But it was tempting, this evening, anyway, to join after all. But no, I tell myself, for all the right reasons, it was a good decision. Maybe next year…

I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling like our just-us-two living here at home is new and something to which we will eventually adjust. Do older folks with rich full lives like ours ever stop hearing the door slamming and the running feet and the voices and laughter and memories?

I wonder how people who become uprooted from home and family and familiar, by trouble or war, bear it? I could wonder if a person prepares best by living in a simpler context, less attached if possible, or by giving this moment everything they’ve got against the day of trouble?

Finally, I know this one thing. Jesus came to answer all of those questions for now and for eternity. This then, makes all the difference in every case. We probably don’t need the pictures and the journals and the memories, necessarily, in the very end, or the beginning, depending how you look at it. But, what are the scriptures, if not journals and history and pictures and memories, right? All pointing us to Jesus and His purposes for us.

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Published by Arla

7 thoughts on “I Wonder Sometimes”

  1. I appreciate your ‘scribblings’ here, for your friends to read and muse on! Although I just recently learned how to subscribe, and be informed of new articles, I went back and read a numbed if older posts. They encouraged me a lot. Even if they were aged awhile, they sound like the Arla I know and appreciate! 😃

    I need more of your positive outlook, and being gracious with others, assuming the best. Your realistic view of appreciating life, even while acknowledging hard things and wishing they were different. Today’s article also brought a TIMELY reminder for me when I’m tired of Parenting little people, and correcting behavior and character flaws….. when I no longer need to do that, I also won’t be living with children anymore. 🙃 It makes me more thankful for my duties of today; I’m not ready for a silent house yet either. 😅 Keep writing. Thank- you for letting us benefit from a small part of your Journaling now! Blessings, and Merry Christmas! Evangeline

    PS… maybe the chorus songs are a lot more your style than mine: I originally thought I’d sing. Then I decided it wasn’t worth spending my evenings at since I didn’t care for many of the songs. 😒 But I felt kinda sad that they weren’t the 20 year ago style! 😁

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  2. I guilt myself because I don’t “journal” like so many people do. Some days I barely have enough energy to care for my husband, mom and in laws, children and grandchildren to spend time writing it all down or taking pictures. And I too was tempted to join chorus but knew I didn’t have energy for it. I enjoy reading what you write, maybe a bit enviously, that you seem to have it together and find the energy to write it down for our enjoyment!

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    1. Christina, you do a great job of caring for your people. Sometimes I envy you being able to care for your parents. Mine are so far away and getting older every day. See how silly we are? God has us each where we are, doing what we can, to further His kingdom. Elv and I pray for you and John often. It’s a big responsibility and privilege. Bless you.

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  3. Mom, I enjoy your posts. Alot! This one made me cry just a little bit. I don’t know why.

    I love you guys and the old stone house. It’s still home. I live just down the road and could come run through the house and slam the door any time you want. 🙂 Yes, those journals will be of interest someday.

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