Spring came and now we wait for it to pass into summer because that’s really what we are needing. Just like any other spring, there are certain temps we must reach consistently in order for certain development of greenery and growth to happen.
Spring truly is happening, but it is a slow, halting process. So is my personal growth. And yours. A slow halting process. He knows our frame, that we are dust. Yet, we can plan on the redemption that draws near. Like summer coming, so will Heaven.
But just for now, everything seems to be about the journey through or the process of, until He comes. Some days walking is really discouraging. I just wonder sometimes why it is eternally important that good health goes missing or relationships suffer or that we fail the tests. How can these things be part of who we are becoming? Why are these things important to the journey? Such devastating rabbit trails. The only plausible answer for me is God wants to
get the glory for our arrival in the end. He lets our frailty and our fallen world frame our souls to prove in the end that there is absolutely no other way than His. No other redemption exists but what Jesus has already secured for us through His death and resurrection.
Who I am today is the result of the molding of the events and relationships wherein I now live. I love Jesus and I expect to spend my next life with Him in Heaven, but as it is right now, I have a limp or two.
One of my limps is that I do not like meetings (a small agreed upon living room session to discuss issues, worries, supposed crimes, or frustrations). Maybe some folks thrive on and feel better afterward; but not me. The meeting can have been perfectly satisfactory or a complete flop. It’s all the same to me. I spend the next two days hashing and rashing in my head about what was said, what should have been said or not said. I feel terrible. I get carried away with irrational fears that I have done something terribly wrong. Condemnation piles up to the sky and blocks out the sun. Yeah, I hate meetings.
So I preach myself these little sermons about how we are all just frail humans, and I am not better or worse than the next person, and that nobody is thinking half as much about this stuff as I am. And how my real life is my marriage and our home and our 16 lovely grandkids, and our happy family and our lovely little church. And Jesus and His promises. Eventually, time and Jesus heal my head again. But I still promise myself that I am going to avoid meetings as often as possible.
Today is better. Today I know to the bottom of my heart that Jesus loves me and it has nothing to do with my mistakes or triumphs. I am who I am due to all of life’s experiences and relationships. I do have my perspective and it is different than yours sometimes. I do hope to become kinder and happier and wiser, of course, but there’s nothing in the whole universe that will improve my value to Jesus. For this I get to live humbly and with gratitude today. I have learned a thing or two along with way. I still can learn.
So I am settling in again for the long haul. Hard things that people insist on having meetings about shall not stop me from smelling the roses along the way! So until we get there, Jesus Lives.