Roller Coaster

It’s working, I think. After seventeen years of living under the tyranny of “imbalanced hormones”, and not the kind you’re thinking just now; there are changes. Good ones.
(Please go away if you’re not actually interested in woman stuff and wisdoms.)
Through my life with a over functioning thyroid I learned that God would hear my frantic prayers, doldrums and vivid joys all in one day. It was a wild ride some days.
   I learned that God made us as we are with our fragile balances. I had to accept the difficulty of my capricious feelings as a way to learn to trust God instead. I found great comfort in a God who never changes. That He expects us to live godly in Christ Jesus even during the lowest days.
     I learned to dread any changes in our lives: the children leaving after a visit, a missed routine, or finding myself at home alone, unexpectedly. I dreaded these things because they felt too poignant. So much so that it was difficult to see the blessing or  to enjoy the pleasure of the memories we had made. And the golden moment of solitude was shadowed with overrated loss of the bustle of others around me. And believe me, our lives have been bustling for 30 plus years. I thought I would enjoy having time and quiet enough for once to write and create and read. Instead I ached unreasonably.
      Then there were the physical issues that were becoming more apparent: a racing heart beat, getting hungry quickly and sincerely many times a day, and then those rashes of unreasonable fears. Now, it’s like some one has finally turned the noise off. I’m not buzzing inside any more.  Finally, my hands have stopped trembling. I think I have figured out why I couldn’t get clear photos. Funny me.
       I worried that when I got to this point, my life would fall flat. Instead it feels quiet and easier somehow. I think I could read a book for a couple of hours now at a time. Rest.
       Radioactive iodine has cured my issues. That’s a good thing. But I wouldn’t trade what I have learned for a different story. It was tough and grand and terrible, even euphoric sometimes. But I found God in ways I could not have, in any other way.

2 thoughts on “Roller Coaster”

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