Nobody told me how it’s possible to care too deeply. Even though it seems good-hearted for a mom and wife to want things to turn out well, there’s a pitfall involved of trying to control outcomes. Honestly, I have no desire to run people’s lives, God forbid, I have enough trouble keeping my own life ticking along properly.
So this truth came in a whisper from the Holy Spirit after some much needed sleep and a deliberate slow down in my mad career to keep up the pace. He helped me to see, finally, that I am, in heart and mind, trying to make sure nobody gets hurt or lost and that nothing gets broken or stolen that I deem treasurable. It was wrecking my peace.
I still care, people, but maybe we need to be broken sometimes in order for good to begin. The peace that comes with knowing each and every person has the same Holy Spirit to guide them as I do and the same Healer to touch them with a good night’s rest and sanity.
I want to keep this peace better. I want to realize sooner that when I am worried and caving into my PTSD fear, it doesn’t help me or anybody else. I don’t need cosseting; I need some sleep and a flinging of my issues onto Jesus.
So, please remember, I do care. But I refuse to sweat outcomes. God has this.
Stone House Scribblings 