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Not Today

This is not a good day to scribble. Because I’m irrationally tired and I should not be trying to say anything. At all. We just had a funeral where lots of cousins and friends converged. So many hugs and hellos and tears. Laughter, too. Shared memories. Unspoken reminders. It’s a huge lurch being plunged into yesteryear for two days. One minute it’s overwhelming to the point of wanting to run and hide. The next, of enthusiastically shaking another hand and being so glad to see that person who meant so much back from in the day when you had no idea life would set you apart from each other for years at a time. And you never did get to have enough time. And you won’t now either.

Actually, today after they've all gone back to their own lives ... I'm happy for that too. Because it was too much to absorb. No way to"process" it all.  An uncle shook our hands and tried to put this all in a nutshell to Elv and I. I'll confess I sort of glazed over. All that's left in my head of what he said was his warm smile and trust that we understood what he was feeling in his heart. 

The uncles and aunties are aged and infirm. There’s another hurdle for me. Since when? Ruby said,”Think of all the funerals in the next ten years.”

I simply can’t imagine. What I mean is that I won’t. I’m taking out rather large doses of grace from His pool already just with this one, today. Let’s just do today, okay?

Today, in the quiet, I’m weary in my head. It’s like a super hang over, I tell you. And I wonder about Heaven. Oh course, I want to go there. But I realize that having a thousand years to meet and greet will be so much better. And easier.

What ever does knowing as we are known mean? Please do tell. 1 Corinthians 13:12

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