I have collections: old portraits to frame, tools and projects, knitting and crocheting, writing stuff, crafts, and brainstorms. Scattered hither and thither in stashes throughout this old house. Computer under the couch. Speakers flung on the coffee table. Scrapbooking stuffed into an upstairs closet which means it wasn’t happening.
And I have other collections, too. Things I need to talk about. Questions to get asked for once. Demands. And generally feeling ornery and dissatisfied. You know how it is.
We finally carved out a space of time in our crazy lives to communicate. I tried to “edit” out most of what I thought I would love to say. Shorter, single idea sentences from me say so much more to him than the convoluted verbiage spilling around and around in my head. And sometimes the waiting for the right time to talk is hard, too. You know what I mean. You keep seeing and thinking of more things you really do want to get off your chest! I managed to tell myself to keep it simple.
I discovered in our talk that Elv is afraid to build things for me. Because he hasn’t the resources or time or skills to build it to the specs he believes me to deserve. Now THAT was a revelation to me, entirely. So think about that, girls, when you get in the mood to finally throw your baby fit to get him to do something around the house. Saying, Let’s talk about this first, can shorten up or eliminate the frustration altogether. Perhaps your trucker or farmer or logger or carpenter man is worried that he can’t deliver on what he believes you deserve. I know, this shouldn’t have been news to me. But hey, I was so frustrated with “his lack of interest” in this new brainstorm that I almost missed the real reason. Fortunately, I finally heard him. Then, he made a discovery, too. I told him, “I probably wouldn’t even like what you think I deserve.” Sigh of relief on both our parts.
So he made the desk/work space I’ve been talking about, longing for, praying over, and setting my heart on for weeks. What with some paint and shelving and the addition of a few of my happy things like lamps and framed collages of grandbabies, and tools and paraphernalia, I’m absolutely delighted.
Through this simple communication we solved other questions between us, too. It was more about actually hearing the other person. What I think is true, is only partly so when I don’t have a clue what he thinks and vise versa, of course. It is OUR story and the two halves of it should be melded so that our lives make sense again to both of us.
You would think after 30 years of marriage, we would know how to communicate without all the hoopla. I am happy for you if you do. Maybe my openness and honesty will give some one else the courage to pursue that much needed conversation.
Now if I can get this down to two or three short sentences.